Fact

Today is my birthday and I turned 29 at 3:34p.

Hi, my name's Carol and I'll be your trainer...

Wouldn't you like to have a nice, trim waistline like mine? hehehe.....

16 weeks and 2 days pregnant and loving every crazy second of it.

She's a maniac, maniac....

I think the past couple months have finally caught up with me. I had a BodyPump class yesterday and a couple clients. One of the clients was new-we'll call her 'Idiot'. Idiot was supposed to be ready for her training at 12:00p----preferably before that time, thankyouverymuch. At 12:00p, there's so sign of her. At 12:05, still have no idea where she is. J-love dropped me off at the gym in the morning because we had a delightful day of shopping ahead of us and I wanted to get the heck outta Dodge on time so that I could spend some of this money that I've been breaking my ass to make. I phone Idiot and she sounds like she's truly living up to name- "Oh, yeah. I'll be there is like two minutes, 'kay?" Ummmm, no. Not 'kay.

Idiot shows up and now I can see why noone has wanted to train her. She's dumb as a rock and really has no solid goals in terms of fitness. She jokes about the amount of partying that she does and how it's really hard for her to make appointments on time. Listen, sister, I got shit to do-and this train ain't waitin' in the station.

I immediately explain the importance of showing up a couple minutes early for appointments with me (warm-ups, limited time, yadda yadda...)-it's clearly going in one ear and out the other. I told her we only have about 15 minutes left (she's looking at me like, 'what?') because she showed up 15 minutes late and I can't just extend her training time to suit her schedule---(that's why we call them 'a-p-p-o-i-n-t-m-e-n-t-s', sweetie ). She seemed to get the point after a while and just needed some prodding in the right direction. When I'm tired and feel like other people are monopolizing my time, I tend to get a bit cranky.

So, off we go on our shopping spree--- It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood and we head to the states to begin our shopping. We stop at my mom's house which instantly puts me in a bad mood for reasons I will not post on the internet for fear of regretting what I say. Historically, once I get into a funk, it can be tough to get me out of it. We stop at a few stores and I'm getting hungry, my feet hurt, I feel fat.... We were in a Target and I thought I was going to pass out if I didn't eat something, so I broke down and had a hotdog. I know, I'm so ashamed. (I'm really not ashamed.....uh-oh, did I just type that? Shit. Ashamed, I'm ashamed. Fat, nitrates......I take it back!)

I picked out a couple really nice, button-down work shirts, some silk flowers (ladies, never take your husbands to Michael's unless you need a little pain in your life), a few plastic storage bins, etc. Nothin' special. I had been coveting this perfume, Armani Mania, for months and months now. I don't know why I haven't just picked it up for myself. I supposed stuff like that is still too extravagant for me to casually purchase. My birthday is tomorrow so I mentioned to John that I would love that perfume for my birthday (keep in mind, I'm still tired, sore from BodyPump and need a more complete meal than a freakin' hotdog). We head over to Marshall Field's and buy the perfume. I'm thrilled, but John insists I try a couple other scents. He's not a big fan of Mania and says I "smell like a mall". (?) So, trying to be a good sport, I walk over and smell a few others. John digs the DKNY Be Delicious because it's fruity and says that if he were there buying perfume for me, that's something he would pick out. He says I should return the Armani and get the DKNY-which I do, because I'm just too tuckered to argue that I've wanted that perfume for almost 6 months and I deserve it - whether he likes it or not. We exchange the perfumes and head to a Mexican restaurant for some chow. I start to tear up in the mall and by the time we get to the restaurant, I'm full out crying. I can't explain it. I was acting like a 3-year old - crying because she didn't get her way. It was the most bizarre feeling to cry over perfume. John's way of dealing with uncomfortable situations is to make fun of them-yeah, that didn't go over too well. Then he starts feeling bad because his birthday gift to me made me cry... I try to tell him that it's just a hormone thing and to ignore me until I get some food in me and can speak like a normal human being... He's promising to take me to another mall and buy both perfumes for me....uggghhh, it was just a weird mess. Welcome to pregnancy, Carol.

After I ate, I felt like a million bucks and we finished our little shopping spree. Today, I'm worn out. Working all day, everyday is taking its toll on me. I took a nap for two hours this afternoon-not normal for me unless I'm really sick. I have no energy or desire to clean up the house. I have homework due, clothes that need to be washed and I could really benefit from a brush making it's way through my rat's nest of hair.

I think I'll throw a log in the fireplace in my office, turn on some public-radio jazz station and take one bite at a time. After all, that's the only way to eat the elephant.