Everybody hurts.

If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to have two broken legs, go run 15 miles when your lazy ass ain’t ready and call me in the morning.

I woke up this morning needing to head down into the basement for something and it probably took me about 4 minutes to take 15 steps---and I could only do it sideways, one step at a time. I’m hurtin’, people.
However, I deserve it. I should’ve known better. Lesson learned

In other news, I hate my new job with a passion. I work for the weirdest bunch of pre-menopausal woman you could imagine. It’s run by two chicks who seem to hate each other. Working there is like having your mom and dad fighting constantly, all with you in the middle trying to figure out what to do to make it stop. It’s the most bizarre experience; one boss will come in and explain a task to you very quickly and leave. The other one will breeze in moments later asking why you did that prior task the way you did since it was clearly wrong and you should have known better. I’m repeatedly addressed as if I’m five years old and just fell off the turnip truck. It’s silly, really, yet oh-so-frustrating.

One more thing: I wish they would open up a goddamn dictionary once in a while and see that the correct terminology is ‘orient’, not ‘orientate’. I have been listening to these people say ‘orientate’ daily for almost two months and it’s driving me up a wall!

Now, there have been some highlights to my career as a recruiter for a staffing agency. For example:

I interviewed someone who’s last job title was ‘artificial inseminator for a poultry farm’ (although not quite spelled that way on his application). When we started discussing his job duties there, I couldn’t contain myself. I acted like I had something caught in my throat and excused myself for the ladies room. I was dying…. I just kept imagining this poor kid with his pants around his ankles chasing turkeys.

Then there was the ‘fire-watcher’. His job was to stand in a corner and watch for fires on the job site. I completely lost it on that one.

Friday, I had the ‘potato specialist’. He was an agricultural scientist from Pakistan who studied the different strains of diseases in potatoes. He was so excited to talk about his prior work…. I just wanted to know if he still eats ‘em.

Then there was the interesting fellow who kept touching his dirty parts while I was interviewing him. I don’t know if the cat had jock-itch or what, but I was a little creeped out…